011. Backyard Camp-out

This past Friday night, I had my 2 oldest nieces over for a backyard camp-out. Overall, I would say it was a success. My sister dropped the girls off with their little suitcases and a container of plastic animals (Sadie). When we finally got to our backyard, James was there to help us set up the tent. As soon as it was somewhat assembled, they both jumped in. I then snapped the only 2 photos I took that night. I wish I would have had my camera ready, but it forced me to stay present with them, rather than taking a hundred photos.

We made s'mores over the fire, played hide-and-seek (which was really fun), chased Henry around, sat on James' dirt bike (Mabie was obsessed and did not want to get off), colored, read books, watched a movie in the air-conditioned house, and then headed to bed. Sleeping on an air mattress with 2 children is not the best night's sleep I have ever had, but fun nonetheless.

Mabie was excited. Notice Henry is the background.

Sadie pulling the sleeping bag in and Henry relaxing in the grass.

I really enjoyed Friday with James and the girls. They are extremely funny and sweet and had us laughing most of their visit. I love to watch James interact with the girls. During hide-and-seek, James instructed them to hide in the most random spots. Mabie ran to hide in the tent and I could hear her zip open the door and Sadie went under the tent. When I found Mabie she couldn't contain her excitement that her sister was underneath her hiding spot. If I wouldn't have heard Sadie, Mabie's fixation on the lump under the tent would have given away her sister's location. James then helped them hide on top of the washer. When I opened the door, they were both pleased with their creative hiding spot.

Later, we decided to give Henry a bath after noticing a couple of fleas (damn you summer)! Sadie, the animal lover, joined me. Throughout the entire process she kept petting him and in her most reassuring voice saying, "It's okay buddy. You're doing a good job. It's okay boy." So sweet! I know I say it a lot and even write about it, but I absolutely love being an aunt.

I was able to be in the moment with Sadie and Mabie. I tend to be a worrier and forget to be present. You cannot do that with a 6 and 3 year old in your care. Children want your time and attention, which reminds me of a quote a saw a few weeks ago, "Your children need your presence more than your presents." 

Memories are more valuable than stuff.

010. Clear Intentions and Changes

It's strange how if you really want something in your life and you are clear about your intentions, you can create it. At least that's been my experience. Of course you can't sit idly by and wait for things to happen. You must take action and I have.

My sweet niece with a painting I made for her.

I opened an Etsy shop about a year ago. You can read more about that here. I tend to be a bit of a procrastinator, but only when it directly affects me, (choosing a major, graduating college, applying for jobs, setting goals, exercising, writing, etcetera). On the other hand, if anyone else needs something from me, I will jump through hoops to finish the task. I am aware that it's important to take care of me and I'm working on it.

Anyway, last week something awesome happened...I sold 5 paintings in 7 days. That is the most I have sold within that amount of time. People were actually buying my creations! I suddenly felt motivated and created each order as they came in and rushed to the post office. Customers were waiting on me, so I felt motivated. I told Jamie about the recent orders and she was ecstatic. My sister has been a huge supporter of me tapping into my creativity, along with my partner James. Jamie informed me that one of my paintings has been pinned (Pinterest) more than 400 times. I mean, that's pretty amazing.

The timing of these sales is perfect. I recently accepted a part-time position at the domestic violence agency I work for. The position is educating teens about intimate partner violence, healthy relationships, communication skills, media literacy and more. It is definitely something I have wanted to do for a long time as a paid employee, rather than a volunteer. Taking the position is really scary, because as of mid-September my hours will be cut in half. I instantly wondered how I was going to supplement my income. I called James to talk it out, I talked to friends and family members. I know that I want to sell my paintings and refinished furniture (with James teaching me how to and working with me), but I don't know if this will be enough to keep me financially secure. It's also really against everything I have grown up seeing and expecting for my life (working a 9-5, Monday through Friday job). Either way, I set the intention that this is what I want for my life.

I purchased this to refinish it...but it hasn't happened yet. Damn you procrastination.

I am going to continue the momentum I have and continue to work towards being a successful Etsy shop owner and see where this journey leads me. I trust that it will work out.  The reality of working 20 hours per week, will free up a lot of time for me to focus on being creative and not procrastinating. Also, I have time to find other ways to supplement my income.

009. Nature, Connection and Creativity

Sunday was such a great day. It's been a while since James and I explored nature together. When we first started dating we frequently went on mini-adventures. Then, day to day responsibilities of life got in the way of us actually getting to enjoy life. Ironic, right?

We decided to head to the Icehouse Canyon Trail in Mt. Baldy with Henry in tow...of course! When we arrived, it seemed that we were the only ones without trekking poles (I had to Google the technical term for this post) and I was a little worried. James assured me that we could do without, and up we went.

Taking a break to drink water/play with rocks.

The hike was a pretty steep incline the entire way up complete with rocks, narrow passageways, and old stone steps. As we continued our ascent, we followed along a creek. Henry kept up with us, climbing the rocks we easily stepped over. He would occasionally stop and drink from the creek or attempt to dig rocks out of the dirt (per usual).

I enjoyed being disconnected from my cell phone, computer, and just the general noise of the world. It gave me time to truly be in the moment and feel connected to myself and James. I value the non-distracted time James and I spend together. When you live with a partner, it's easy to fall into a rut of not spending quality time together. It was wonderful being together without any interruptions.

At one point, we stopped for a moment to drink some water and have a snack. We came upon a stone fireplace. We both were fascinated by this, not sure what the story was behind the stone remains. So of course, I had to research what this fireplace used to belong to. I found some interesting information about an old wood and stone resort. The resort existed in the area from 1921 to the 1980's, before burning down in a mysterious fire. I love history.

A fireplace is all that remains of Ice House Canyon Resort.  

Trees. Glorious trees.

On our drive home we started talking about what we should do that day. It was pretty apparent that both of us were feeling like we wanted to do something creative. James said he wanted to build a workbench and I felt like painting. We looked up plans and went to the local hardware store to buy the supplies for his workbench. When we got home, James immediately started working on his project. I haven't painted in a while, but there was something about connecting to myself and connecting to my partner that really inspired me to sit down at a canvas and just start painting. I set my easel in the backyard and began painting images of trees.

Sunday was a great reminder of the similar interests that James and I share. We both enjoy nature, being active, creating and exploring. Lately with bills, chores, and other obligations, we forget to sit still, live simply and do the things that light the fire inside of us. I am grateful for the time we spend together.

008. On Being an Aunt

I'm going to be 30 in less than 6 months. I do not currently have children, but I am an aunt. I love being an aunt. I have 3 nieces who I absolutely adore. I regularly have a funny or cute story about something Sadie or Mabie said or did to share with anyone who will listen. As Charlotte becomes older, I'm sure I will have plenty more stories to add. 

Sadie and I at the park.

Mabie and I on a walk.

Recently, my 5 year old niece, Sadie has become quite the reader. Last night, Sadie read me one of her favorite books, Pete the Cat. I cannot express how amazing it is to listen to her read. I love the way she changes her voice and the emphasis she puts on certain words.

Since she was about 6 months old, I would sit her in my lap and read to her. Overtime, she evolved from trying to rip the pages out to wanting to turn the pages herself. Sadie has become a child who absolutely loves books. When I was in college she would take my books and "read" them. Since then, each time I see her, it is extremely rare if she doesn't ask me to read to her. When we go shopping, she wants me to buy her a book, which usually turns into multiple books.  

It is such an amazing transition to witness her read to me. Books have been really important in my family. Each of us has spent a significant amount of time reading to Sadie and Mabie. A few days ago, Sadie decided to take on that very role and read Pete the Cat to my newest niece, Charlotte, who is 2 months old. Charlotte was laying on the couch with her mom and I. Sadie walked over to us, with her book in hand, and said she wanted to read to Charlotte.

Sadie held the book up, showing Charlotte the pictures. She read each page, pausing to ask Charlotte questions like, "can you guess what happens next?" Then replying, "you're right Charlotte! Good job!" Charlotte was cooing and smiling at her cousin. The interaction between the two of them was one of the sweetest things I have ever witnessed.

Watching the girls grow and change has been one of the most amazing things and I cannot imagine not having them in my life. I have found a new level of patience and appreciation for children through spending time with the girls. 

Charlotte and I. 

One day, when James and I choose to have children, I can only hope that they will be as intelligent, creative and funny as our nieces are. 

007. The Love Project: James and I

I have started "The Love Project" and I thought it would be fun to write the first story on James and I. I have mentioned that I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves.

January 2011...Someone was in love...

James and I have been dating for 3 years as of today. I love that our anniversary is the first day of Spring. Prior to dating, James and I knew each other for about 2 years. He was Jamie's friend. James would tell Jamie that he liked me and I would reply, "Never going to happen." I had just ended a 6 1/2 year relationship and I was struggling with who I was and what I wanted for my life. I loved hanging out with James, but I truly did not want to lose him as a friend. Also, I tend to be more on the serious side and at that time I saw him as my silly friend.

In January 2011, James and I started hanging out almost daily. I began to see past just his silliness and saw a truly deep and thoughtful person. We would go to museums, get coffee, and just pretty much any other random adventure that we could think of. I just wanted to be with him. He helped me with an art project and went with me to interview my Nana for my Senior Project while I was at Cal Poly Pomona. The three of us sat in a coffee shop and discussed our family and our lives and it was amazing.

By February, we were together every day, but I was still under the impression that we were just friends...or I wanted to believe that we were. I was so nervous to even consider entering into a romantic relationship. I did not want to lose my independence and melt into another partner. Throughout February and March we would talk about everything, specifically relationships. We would say what we wanted in relationships in a roundabout way, all the while knowing that we both were talking about if we ever started dating. We talk about that today and laugh.

 Just a few days before we started dating.

On March 20, 2011 we finally decided to explore what could be. I am so happy that we did.

James is the most supportive person I have ever dated. He inspires me to be a better version of myself. He accepts me just the way I am (quirks and all) and I accept him. We see each other as equals and we have an unbelievable amount of fun together. He is funny, intelligent, compassionate and extremely creative. We both are able to be maintain our independence and individuality within our relationship. We are 2 separate people that choose to be together. We are on the same team. James has taught me a lot about love and I am grateful. We have had our fair share of arguments and misunderstandings, but that does not change the bond that we share. We are human.

This is my favorite poem about romantic love:

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup, but not drink from one cup. 

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. 

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, 

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. 

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together: 

For the pillars of the temple stand apart, 

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

--Kahlil Gibran

If you are interested in being part of "The Love Project," let me know! 

006. The Love Project

Found on Pitzer's Campus

I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves. Once the feeling of butterflies begins to fade, there is an opportunity to either stay or go. If you choose to stay...there is something amazing that can occur...intimacy. Relationships have stages and everyone experiences those stages at different times. I find it fascinating.

I have decided to do something I am calling, "The Love Project." I plan to interview and photograph couples (specifically couples that are out of the "honeymoon" phase...and to clarify not all relationships even have a honeymoon phase) and ask them questions about their relationships.

Throughout the past 3 years I have worked with a domestic violence agency. During this time, I have heard stories of the most abusive and unhealthy relationships. I have also had the opportunity to educate others about the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships. I have always been extremely interested in the dynamics of intimate relationships. What we see in the media about intimate relationships is not reality. We see the head over heels, honeymoon, exciting part. How often do we see the reality of choosing to be in a long-term relationship? I can tell you, not very often.

Working with clients, there was usually an opportunity to discuss healthy relationships. Many of the women would look at me with confusion and ask, "what exactly is a healthy relationship?" Additionally, many others would tell me that they did not believe that healthy relationships existed at all. Overall, regardless if someone has or hasn't been in an abusive relationship, they may not understand what it takes to make a relationship work and to do so in a healthy manner. As soon as the newness wears off, on to the next relationship. Part of the problem is that our society sets up and reinforces such unrealistic and unattainable ideals about intimate relationships. I want to show real life examples.

I feel like it is time to look at the love in the world. I want to write about it. I want to photograph it. "The Love Project" is still in the planning phase. If you are interested in being part of this process (either planning and/or participating) please email me at ashleymadelines@gmail.com.

005. Moving Again

Life is all about change. As soon as you feel settled into a new normal, here comes the change. Sometimes change is welcomed with open arms; other times you're running as fast as you can in the opposite direction. One lesson I learned is that the more you resist change, the more difficult the transition is.

Moving Day last year. Notice our subtle excitement.

James and I are moving into a new house in mid-March.This is one of those, "welcomed with open arms" changes. Even though it is positive, I still can feel anxiousness creeping up. I learned over the summer, that in order to embrace the new, it is important to feel the loss and sadness of the old. This will be the third move in 3 years. It feels excessive to me, but each move was necessary. Move 1: First time moving in together. Move 2: Moving next door to my sisters in a better neighborhood. Move 3: Single-family home with a backyard and our own space.

Don't get me wrong, I am really excited. Moving is fun and I do not want to live in our current home much longer. With that being said, I am going to miss certain things about our current home. For one, it is directly next door to my sister, her fiance, and their baby girl. Also, another sister lives on the opposite side of us with her partner. We joke that we have our own compound. I love being able to walk outside and see my family. We recently adopted a puppy, Henry, and both of my sisters and their partners have dogs. I love having walking partners and additional caretakers for Henry within arms reach.

Henry with his "cousins" Venice and Luna.

Fortunately, our new house is only 1 mile away from our current home. I am still able to walk to my sister's homes with an increase from 15 seconds to 15 minutes, which isn't bad at all. Also, we will have a fairly large backyard and our families and their dogs can come over and barbeque.

Writing this post helped me identify what exactly I am going to miss about our little home. It also helps me let it go.
 
All in all, I am excited for the change. Saying goodbye to the old and hello to the new. Hopefully James and I aren't moving again within a year. I need some time to settle.

004. Valentines Day and Self-Love

I complete me, too. 

Today is a day of love. Regardless if you choose to celebrate or not, it's a great day to acknowledge those that you love...although I hope you are doing that the other 364 days a year, as well. You don't need to have an intimate partner to celebrate today. I cannot tell you how much it drives me crazy when people complain about being single today. Today can be about anyone and everyone that you love in your life.

While I love love, I know that it is important to practice self-love. Most of us have heard that you cannot love someone until you love yourself. While this may be true at times, life is all about coexistence and balance. There are times that I'm not necessarily feeling great about myself, but that doesn't mean that I can't show love or feel love for my family, friends, or partner. Let's talk about a couple of ways we can practice self-love each and every day.

One way to practice self-love is through self-care. Self-care involves any intentional actions you take to nourish your physical, mental and emotional health. Some ways I practice self-care include taking a bath, writing, practicing yoga, meditating, watching a funny show, drinking coffee, going on a walk or hike, taking a nap, hanging out with my puppy, painting my nails, eating something healthy, connecting with someone I love, or taking photos. I think a great self-care practice is completing 3 self-care activities each day. Some days I am a self-care expert and other days I completely forget to take care of me.

Another way to practice self-love is by setting personal boundaries in your life. Boundaries are the limits we establish in relationships that allow us to identify what are safe, reasonable, and permissible ways for others to interact with us. Also, boundaries allow you to make a decision on how you choose to respond if someone crosses that limit. You can set emotional, physical, sexual, mental or spiritual boundaries.

For instance, one emotional boundary I have set in my relationships is name-calling. If someone I love or care about resorts to name-calling, then I get to tell them how it made me feel and then choose if I still will allow that person in my life. Setting boundaries can be challenging, but it is also very rewarding. You let people know how you deserve to be treated.

You'll feel more loving towards yourself if you set limits or say no to certain people or activities. It’s important to make sure that the people in your life are supportive. It is also vital to nurture the relationships that make you feel good about yourself. If you are feeling depleted either physically, emotionally or spiritually, identify why and and figure out what you can to do change that.

From "Fearless Feminism"

There are so many different ways to practice self-love each day, what are your favorite ways?

003. "Sweet Baby Charlotte" Baby Shower

Bring on the baby!

My sister, Jamie and her fiance, Josh are on the verge of giving birth to their first child and my third niece, Charlotte! Recently, my mom, my sister Natalie and I threw them a baby shower at my parent's house.

We wanted to do this as cost effective as humanly possible. Therefore, that meant that we had a lot of DIY projects on the horizon. The theme my sister decided on was "Sweet Baby Charlotte." Imagine candy, brownies, cookies, cake, cupcakes, and other cavity inducing sweets. 

The first thing Jamie and I did was head to the 99 cent store (and I was skeptical) to find supplies. Luckily we found a plethera of decorations, cups, plates, candy, containers, etc all for a dollar. The end result did not look like it was done on a budget (if I do say so myself).

The largest and most expensive display was creating the candy table for "Charlotte's Sweet Shop." Let me be clear, when I say expensive, it's relative to the cost of the rest of the items. In reality, I feel that this was created at a reasonable cost.
 

I really love how the table turned out! I made the banner using burlap, twine and pink acrylic paint. When I have made banners in the past, I hand stitched the burlap to the twine. Due to time constraints, I used super-glue and it worked great. My mom used yellow and white polka dot fabric to create part of the tablecloth. She gathered it at two points and stitched a bow to hold it it place. The yellow and white polka dot fabric was also used for the "back-drop" by wrapping poster board.

 

We used glass vases (that we already had) and filled them with candy corn, jelly beans, m&ms, sweet tarts, and pixie stix. The striped candy bags, scoops, the glass jars with lids and gumballs were all under $1!

So much caaaaandy.

Glass jars were each a dollar = $5 centerpieces.

We filled glass vases (that we already had) with candy corn, jelly beans, m&ms, sweet tarts, and pixie stix. The striped candy bags, scoops, the glass jars with lids and gumballs were all under $1. 

A few nights before the shower, Jamie thought of creating a photo booth. I followed this tutorial on how to make a simple and colorful backdrop. Then, we used card-stock and wooden skewers to create the props. It was many hours of work, but well worth it.
I'd say it was a success. 

Jamie and I.

002. Self-Care Tip: Go on a Mini-Adventure

These books were amazing. 

Found at Antique Mall of Treasures in Old Towne Orange

It's Wednesday! It's the middle of the work week (for those of you that work Monday through Friday). I enjoy having a routine during my work week: electing James to make the coffee, letting Henry (our new adorable puppy) out to do his business, making our daily smoothies, my drive to work, listening to the same radio talk show, and all that goes along with my typical work day. Occasionally, I start to feel like I am in a rut during the week. I wanted to do something different yesterday. It was time for self-care.

James and I have lived together for 2 years and we have thrown around the idea of getting married. Also, we have discussed what a ring for me would consist of, if we decided to go the whole, "will you marry me" route.

Yesterday after work, we decided to drive to Old Towne Orange and visit Rambling Rose - Estate and Vintage Jewelry. I did not know what to expect when we approached the antique shop that this store was tucked into. This was the first time we looked at rings together. I couldn't believe how many Edwardian and Art Deco style rings from the 1920's and 30's were before my eyes! We both were drooling. Okay...maybe just I was, but I know he was excited. Many of the rings are from estate sales and are almost 100 years old. Prior to yesterday, I was not completely sold on the idea of a diamond ring. My sister and I wrote about our feelings on the diamond industry in the past. James and I share the same affection for conflict-free diamond antique rings and when the jeweler actually used the term, "conflict-free" and I knew we were in the right place. 

We then decided to continue our exploration of the downtown area. We visited multiple antique stores and fell in love with everything, as usual. James is extremely talented and creative (in many ways) including his ability to refinish furniture.  There have also been discussions of buying old furniture, refinishing and reselling. Today reminded us that we still would like to pursue that venture together.We found some really great things, but resisted making any purchases.

 

"Magic Lantern Projector" found at

 Antique Depot in Old Towne Orange. 

Glass slide for the Magic Lantern Projector, 

 now I wish I would have purchased the projector!

 

Ummm, hello, I love you. 

We concluded our mini-adventure at a delicious Mexican restaurant called Gabbi's Mexican Kitchen. It was a dimly lit, well decorated environment. I was equally impressed when I devoured my meal. 

Anyway, the focus of yesterday was about spending quality time with James, self-care and spontaneity.

I feel inspired.

When was the last time you went on a mini-adventure?

001. I Can't Believe I Finally Opened an Etsy Shop!

 This is what I truly love to do.

I opened an Etsy shop. I dream of a day that I can leave my day job to paint, write, take photos and do yoga all while being able to support myself doing so. Until then, I work as a grant writer for a domestic violence agency. I recently made the switch from a case manager due to the emotional toll the position was taking on me. I feel less emotionally drained, but not stimulated.

Anyway...back to my Etsy shop. I have always enjoyed doing art, but never have considered myself an artist. I enjoy being creative. Let's go back to 2010, I had recently ended my long term relationship with my previous partner. I started to discover parts of myself that were long forgotten and unexplored. My sister Jamie and my current partner and then close friend, James were very supportive of my creativity when I started my new venture. Jamie and James would either paint with me or encourage me to do so. When James and I started dating in 2011, he purchased an easel, paints and canvases for me. He could see that I loved to create, even though I was still not sure it was something I wanted to do.

James would randomly ask, "Did you paint today?" I used to (and still do) get frustrated. I knew that I wanted to paint, but I didn't push myself to do so. I would rather spend countless hours on Facebook, Instagram, Etsy, Pinterest, and so on and so on, living vicariously through others whom were creating and doing beautiful things. I finally decided in 2013 to open an Etsy shop.

It took me weeks of logging on and feeling defeated when it came to naming the shop, taking photos of my paintings and creating the actual listings. I finally buckled down and am happy that I did. I have sold about 9 paintings and one banner, which I feel is a huge accomplishment for me. You can visit my Etsy shop here. <3

I look forward to this part of my journey. 

xo