006. The Love Project

Found on Pitzer's Campus

I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves. Once the feeling of butterflies begins to fade, there is an opportunity to either stay or go. If you choose to stay...there is something amazing that can occur...intimacy. Relationships have stages and everyone experiences those stages at different times. I find it fascinating.

I have decided to do something I am calling, "The Love Project." I plan to interview and photograph couples (specifically couples that are out of the "honeymoon" phase...and to clarify not all relationships even have a honeymoon phase) and ask them questions about their relationships.

Throughout the past 3 years I have worked with a domestic violence agency. During this time, I have heard stories of the most abusive and unhealthy relationships. I have also had the opportunity to educate others about the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships. I have always been extremely interested in the dynamics of intimate relationships. What we see in the media about intimate relationships is not reality. We see the head over heels, honeymoon, exciting part. How often do we see the reality of choosing to be in a long-term relationship? I can tell you, not very often.

Working with clients, there was usually an opportunity to discuss healthy relationships. Many of the women would look at me with confusion and ask, "what exactly is a healthy relationship?" Additionally, many others would tell me that they did not believe that healthy relationships existed at all. Overall, regardless if someone has or hasn't been in an abusive relationship, they may not understand what it takes to make a relationship work and to do so in a healthy manner. As soon as the newness wears off, on to the next relationship. Part of the problem is that our society sets up and reinforces such unrealistic and unattainable ideals about intimate relationships. I want to show real life examples.

I feel like it is time to look at the love in the world. I want to write about it. I want to photograph it. "The Love Project" is still in the planning phase. If you are interested in being part of this process (either planning and/or participating) please email me at ashleymadelines@gmail.com.

005. Moving Again

Life is all about change. As soon as you feel settled into a new normal, here comes the change. Sometimes change is welcomed with open arms; other times you're running as fast as you can in the opposite direction. One lesson I learned is that the more you resist change, the more difficult the transition is.

Moving Day last year. Notice our subtle excitement.

James and I are moving into a new house in mid-March.This is one of those, "welcomed with open arms" changes. Even though it is positive, I still can feel anxiousness creeping up. I learned over the summer, that in order to embrace the new, it is important to feel the loss and sadness of the old. This will be the third move in 3 years. It feels excessive to me, but each move was necessary. Move 1: First time moving in together. Move 2: Moving next door to my sisters in a better neighborhood. Move 3: Single-family home with a backyard and our own space.

Don't get me wrong, I am really excited. Moving is fun and I do not want to live in our current home much longer. With that being said, I am going to miss certain things about our current home. For one, it is directly next door to my sister, her fiance, and their baby girl. Also, another sister lives on the opposite side of us with her partner. We joke that we have our own compound. I love being able to walk outside and see my family. We recently adopted a puppy, Henry, and both of my sisters and their partners have dogs. I love having walking partners and additional caretakers for Henry within arms reach.

Henry with his "cousins" Venice and Luna.

Fortunately, our new house is only 1 mile away from our current home. I am still able to walk to my sister's homes with an increase from 15 seconds to 15 minutes, which isn't bad at all. Also, we will have a fairly large backyard and our families and their dogs can come over and barbeque.

Writing this post helped me identify what exactly I am going to miss about our little home. It also helps me let it go.
 
All in all, I am excited for the change. Saying goodbye to the old and hello to the new. Hopefully James and I aren't moving again within a year. I need some time to settle.

004. Valentines Day and Self-Love

I complete me, too. 

Today is a day of love. Regardless if you choose to celebrate or not, it's a great day to acknowledge those that you love...although I hope you are doing that the other 364 days a year, as well. You don't need to have an intimate partner to celebrate today. I cannot tell you how much it drives me crazy when people complain about being single today. Today can be about anyone and everyone that you love in your life.

While I love love, I know that it is important to practice self-love. Most of us have heard that you cannot love someone until you love yourself. While this may be true at times, life is all about coexistence and balance. There are times that I'm not necessarily feeling great about myself, but that doesn't mean that I can't show love or feel love for my family, friends, or partner. Let's talk about a couple of ways we can practice self-love each and every day.

One way to practice self-love is through self-care. Self-care involves any intentional actions you take to nourish your physical, mental and emotional health. Some ways I practice self-care include taking a bath, writing, practicing yoga, meditating, watching a funny show, drinking coffee, going on a walk or hike, taking a nap, hanging out with my puppy, painting my nails, eating something healthy, connecting with someone I love, or taking photos. I think a great self-care practice is completing 3 self-care activities each day. Some days I am a self-care expert and other days I completely forget to take care of me.

Another way to practice self-love is by setting personal boundaries in your life. Boundaries are the limits we establish in relationships that allow us to identify what are safe, reasonable, and permissible ways for others to interact with us. Also, boundaries allow you to make a decision on how you choose to respond if someone crosses that limit. You can set emotional, physical, sexual, mental or spiritual boundaries.

For instance, one emotional boundary I have set in my relationships is name-calling. If someone I love or care about resorts to name-calling, then I get to tell them how it made me feel and then choose if I still will allow that person in my life. Setting boundaries can be challenging, but it is also very rewarding. You let people know how you deserve to be treated.

You'll feel more loving towards yourself if you set limits or say no to certain people or activities. It’s important to make sure that the people in your life are supportive. It is also vital to nurture the relationships that make you feel good about yourself. If you are feeling depleted either physically, emotionally or spiritually, identify why and and figure out what you can to do change that.

From "Fearless Feminism"

There are so many different ways to practice self-love each day, what are your favorite ways?

003. "Sweet Baby Charlotte" Baby Shower

Bring on the baby!

My sister, Jamie and her fiance, Josh are on the verge of giving birth to their first child and my third niece, Charlotte! Recently, my mom, my sister Natalie and I threw them a baby shower at my parent's house.

We wanted to do this as cost effective as humanly possible. Therefore, that meant that we had a lot of DIY projects on the horizon. The theme my sister decided on was "Sweet Baby Charlotte." Imagine candy, brownies, cookies, cake, cupcakes, and other cavity inducing sweets. 

The first thing Jamie and I did was head to the 99 cent store (and I was skeptical) to find supplies. Luckily we found a plethera of decorations, cups, plates, candy, containers, etc all for a dollar. The end result did not look like it was done on a budget (if I do say so myself).

The largest and most expensive display was creating the candy table for "Charlotte's Sweet Shop." Let me be clear, when I say expensive, it's relative to the cost of the rest of the items. In reality, I feel that this was created at a reasonable cost.
 

I really love how the table turned out! I made the banner using burlap, twine and pink acrylic paint. When I have made banners in the past, I hand stitched the burlap to the twine. Due to time constraints, I used super-glue and it worked great. My mom used yellow and white polka dot fabric to create part of the tablecloth. She gathered it at two points and stitched a bow to hold it it place. The yellow and white polka dot fabric was also used for the "back-drop" by wrapping poster board.

 

We used glass vases (that we already had) and filled them with candy corn, jelly beans, m&ms, sweet tarts, and pixie stix. The striped candy bags, scoops, the glass jars with lids and gumballs were all under $1!

So much caaaaandy.

Glass jars were each a dollar = $5 centerpieces.

We filled glass vases (that we already had) with candy corn, jelly beans, m&ms, sweet tarts, and pixie stix. The striped candy bags, scoops, the glass jars with lids and gumballs were all under $1. 

A few nights before the shower, Jamie thought of creating a photo booth. I followed this tutorial on how to make a simple and colorful backdrop. Then, we used card-stock and wooden skewers to create the props. It was many hours of work, but well worth it.
I'd say it was a success. 

Jamie and I.

002. Self-Care Tip: Go on a Mini-Adventure

These books were amazing. 

Found at Antique Mall of Treasures in Old Towne Orange

It's Wednesday! It's the middle of the work week (for those of you that work Monday through Friday). I enjoy having a routine during my work week: electing James to make the coffee, letting Henry (our new adorable puppy) out to do his business, making our daily smoothies, my drive to work, listening to the same radio talk show, and all that goes along with my typical work day. Occasionally, I start to feel like I am in a rut during the week. I wanted to do something different yesterday. It was time for self-care.

James and I have lived together for 2 years and we have thrown around the idea of getting married. Also, we have discussed what a ring for me would consist of, if we decided to go the whole, "will you marry me" route.

Yesterday after work, we decided to drive to Old Towne Orange and visit Rambling Rose - Estate and Vintage Jewelry. I did not know what to expect when we approached the antique shop that this store was tucked into. This was the first time we looked at rings together. I couldn't believe how many Edwardian and Art Deco style rings from the 1920's and 30's were before my eyes! We both were drooling. Okay...maybe just I was, but I know he was excited. Many of the rings are from estate sales and are almost 100 years old. Prior to yesterday, I was not completely sold on the idea of a diamond ring. My sister and I wrote about our feelings on the diamond industry in the past. James and I share the same affection for conflict-free diamond antique rings and when the jeweler actually used the term, "conflict-free" and I knew we were in the right place. 

We then decided to continue our exploration of the downtown area. We visited multiple antique stores and fell in love with everything, as usual. James is extremely talented and creative (in many ways) including his ability to refinish furniture.  There have also been discussions of buying old furniture, refinishing and reselling. Today reminded us that we still would like to pursue that venture together.We found some really great things, but resisted making any purchases.

 

"Magic Lantern Projector" found at

 Antique Depot in Old Towne Orange. 

Glass slide for the Magic Lantern Projector, 

 now I wish I would have purchased the projector!

 

Ummm, hello, I love you. 

We concluded our mini-adventure at a delicious Mexican restaurant called Gabbi's Mexican Kitchen. It was a dimly lit, well decorated environment. I was equally impressed when I devoured my meal. 

Anyway, the focus of yesterday was about spending quality time with James, self-care and spontaneity.

I feel inspired.

When was the last time you went on a mini-adventure?