009. Nature, Connection and Creativity

Sunday was such a great day. It's been a while since James and I explored nature together. When we first started dating we frequently went on mini-adventures. Then, day to day responsibilities of life got in the way of us actually getting to enjoy life. Ironic, right?

We decided to head to the Icehouse Canyon Trail in Mt. Baldy with Henry in tow...of course! When we arrived, it seemed that we were the only ones without trekking poles (I had to Google the technical term for this post) and I was a little worried. James assured me that we could do without, and up we went.

Taking a break to drink water/play with rocks.

The hike was a pretty steep incline the entire way up complete with rocks, narrow passageways, and old stone steps. As we continued our ascent, we followed along a creek. Henry kept up with us, climbing the rocks we easily stepped over. He would occasionally stop and drink from the creek or attempt to dig rocks out of the dirt (per usual).

I enjoyed being disconnected from my cell phone, computer, and just the general noise of the world. It gave me time to truly be in the moment and feel connected to myself and James. I value the non-distracted time James and I spend together. When you live with a partner, it's easy to fall into a rut of not spending quality time together. It was wonderful being together without any interruptions.

At one point, we stopped for a moment to drink some water and have a snack. We came upon a stone fireplace. We both were fascinated by this, not sure what the story was behind the stone remains. So of course, I had to research what this fireplace used to belong to. I found some interesting information about an old wood and stone resort. The resort existed in the area from 1921 to the 1980's, before burning down in a mysterious fire. I love history.

A fireplace is all that remains of Ice House Canyon Resort.  

Trees. Glorious trees.

On our drive home we started talking about what we should do that day. It was pretty apparent that both of us were feeling like we wanted to do something creative. James said he wanted to build a workbench and I felt like painting. We looked up plans and went to the local hardware store to buy the supplies for his workbench. When we got home, James immediately started working on his project. I haven't painted in a while, but there was something about connecting to myself and connecting to my partner that really inspired me to sit down at a canvas and just start painting. I set my easel in the backyard and began painting images of trees.

Sunday was a great reminder of the similar interests that James and I share. We both enjoy nature, being active, creating and exploring. Lately with bills, chores, and other obligations, we forget to sit still, live simply and do the things that light the fire inside of us. I am grateful for the time we spend together.

008. On Being an Aunt

I'm going to be 30 in less than 6 months. I do not currently have children, but I am an aunt. I love being an aunt. I have 3 nieces who I absolutely adore. I regularly have a funny or cute story about something Sadie or Mabie said or did to share with anyone who will listen. As Charlotte becomes older, I'm sure I will have plenty more stories to add. 

Sadie and I at the park.

Mabie and I on a walk.

Recently, my 5 year old niece, Sadie has become quite the reader. Last night, Sadie read me one of her favorite books, Pete the Cat. I cannot express how amazing it is to listen to her read. I love the way she changes her voice and the emphasis she puts on certain words.

Since she was about 6 months old, I would sit her in my lap and read to her. Overtime, she evolved from trying to rip the pages out to wanting to turn the pages herself. Sadie has become a child who absolutely loves books. When I was in college she would take my books and "read" them. Since then, each time I see her, it is extremely rare if she doesn't ask me to read to her. When we go shopping, she wants me to buy her a book, which usually turns into multiple books.  

It is such an amazing transition to witness her read to me. Books have been really important in my family. Each of us has spent a significant amount of time reading to Sadie and Mabie. A few days ago, Sadie decided to take on that very role and read Pete the Cat to my newest niece, Charlotte, who is 2 months old. Charlotte was laying on the couch with her mom and I. Sadie walked over to us, with her book in hand, and said she wanted to read to Charlotte.

Sadie held the book up, showing Charlotte the pictures. She read each page, pausing to ask Charlotte questions like, "can you guess what happens next?" Then replying, "you're right Charlotte! Good job!" Charlotte was cooing and smiling at her cousin. The interaction between the two of them was one of the sweetest things I have ever witnessed.

Watching the girls grow and change has been one of the most amazing things and I cannot imagine not having them in my life. I have found a new level of patience and appreciation for children through spending time with the girls. 

Charlotte and I. 

One day, when James and I choose to have children, I can only hope that they will be as intelligent, creative and funny as our nieces are. 

007. The Love Project: James and I

I have started "The Love Project" and I thought it would be fun to write the first story on James and I. I have mentioned that I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves.

January 2011...Someone was in love...

James and I have been dating for 3 years as of today. I love that our anniversary is the first day of Spring. Prior to dating, James and I knew each other for about 2 years. He was Jamie's friend. James would tell Jamie that he liked me and I would reply, "Never going to happen." I had just ended a 6 1/2 year relationship and I was struggling with who I was and what I wanted for my life. I loved hanging out with James, but I truly did not want to lose him as a friend. Also, I tend to be more on the serious side and at that time I saw him as my silly friend.

In January 2011, James and I started hanging out almost daily. I began to see past just his silliness and saw a truly deep and thoughtful person. We would go to museums, get coffee, and just pretty much any other random adventure that we could think of. I just wanted to be with him. He helped me with an art project and went with me to interview my Nana for my Senior Project while I was at Cal Poly Pomona. The three of us sat in a coffee shop and discussed our family and our lives and it was amazing.

By February, we were together every day, but I was still under the impression that we were just friends...or I wanted to believe that we were. I was so nervous to even consider entering into a romantic relationship. I did not want to lose my independence and melt into another partner. Throughout February and March we would talk about everything, specifically relationships. We would say what we wanted in relationships in a roundabout way, all the while knowing that we both were talking about if we ever started dating. We talk about that today and laugh.

 Just a few days before we started dating.

On March 20, 2011 we finally decided to explore what could be. I am so happy that we did.

James is the most supportive person I have ever dated. He inspires me to be a better version of myself. He accepts me just the way I am (quirks and all) and I accept him. We see each other as equals and we have an unbelievable amount of fun together. He is funny, intelligent, compassionate and extremely creative. We both are able to be maintain our independence and individuality within our relationship. We are 2 separate people that choose to be together. We are on the same team. James has taught me a lot about love and I am grateful. We have had our fair share of arguments and misunderstandings, but that does not change the bond that we share. We are human.

This is my favorite poem about romantic love:

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup, but not drink from one cup. 

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. 

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, 

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. 

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together: 

For the pillars of the temple stand apart, 

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

--Kahlil Gibran

If you are interested in being part of "The Love Project," let me know! 

006. The Love Project

Found on Pitzer's Campus

I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves. Once the feeling of butterflies begins to fade, there is an opportunity to either stay or go. If you choose to stay...there is something amazing that can occur...intimacy. Relationships have stages and everyone experiences those stages at different times. I find it fascinating.

I have decided to do something I am calling, "The Love Project." I plan to interview and photograph couples (specifically couples that are out of the "honeymoon" phase...and to clarify not all relationships even have a honeymoon phase) and ask them questions about their relationships.

Throughout the past 3 years I have worked with a domestic violence agency. During this time, I have heard stories of the most abusive and unhealthy relationships. I have also had the opportunity to educate others about the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships. I have always been extremely interested in the dynamics of intimate relationships. What we see in the media about intimate relationships is not reality. We see the head over heels, honeymoon, exciting part. How often do we see the reality of choosing to be in a long-term relationship? I can tell you, not very often.

Working with clients, there was usually an opportunity to discuss healthy relationships. Many of the women would look at me with confusion and ask, "what exactly is a healthy relationship?" Additionally, many others would tell me that they did not believe that healthy relationships existed at all. Overall, regardless if someone has or hasn't been in an abusive relationship, they may not understand what it takes to make a relationship work and to do so in a healthy manner. As soon as the newness wears off, on to the next relationship. Part of the problem is that our society sets up and reinforces such unrealistic and unattainable ideals about intimate relationships. I want to show real life examples.

I feel like it is time to look at the love in the world. I want to write about it. I want to photograph it. "The Love Project" is still in the planning phase. If you are interested in being part of this process (either planning and/or participating) please email me at ashleymadelines@gmail.com.

005. Moving Again

Life is all about change. As soon as you feel settled into a new normal, here comes the change. Sometimes change is welcomed with open arms; other times you're running as fast as you can in the opposite direction. One lesson I learned is that the more you resist change, the more difficult the transition is.

Moving Day last year. Notice our subtle excitement.

James and I are moving into a new house in mid-March.This is one of those, "welcomed with open arms" changes. Even though it is positive, I still can feel anxiousness creeping up. I learned over the summer, that in order to embrace the new, it is important to feel the loss and sadness of the old. This will be the third move in 3 years. It feels excessive to me, but each move was necessary. Move 1: First time moving in together. Move 2: Moving next door to my sisters in a better neighborhood. Move 3: Single-family home with a backyard and our own space.

Don't get me wrong, I am really excited. Moving is fun and I do not want to live in our current home much longer. With that being said, I am going to miss certain things about our current home. For one, it is directly next door to my sister, her fiance, and their baby girl. Also, another sister lives on the opposite side of us with her partner. We joke that we have our own compound. I love being able to walk outside and see my family. We recently adopted a puppy, Henry, and both of my sisters and their partners have dogs. I love having walking partners and additional caretakers for Henry within arms reach.

Henry with his "cousins" Venice and Luna.

Fortunately, our new house is only 1 mile away from our current home. I am still able to walk to my sister's homes with an increase from 15 seconds to 15 minutes, which isn't bad at all. Also, we will have a fairly large backyard and our families and their dogs can come over and barbeque.

Writing this post helped me identify what exactly I am going to miss about our little home. It also helps me let it go.
 
All in all, I am excited for the change. Saying goodbye to the old and hello to the new. Hopefully James and I aren't moving again within a year. I need some time to settle.

004. Valentines Day and Self-Love

I complete me, too. 

Today is a day of love. Regardless if you choose to celebrate or not, it's a great day to acknowledge those that you love...although I hope you are doing that the other 364 days a year, as well. You don't need to have an intimate partner to celebrate today. I cannot tell you how much it drives me crazy when people complain about being single today. Today can be about anyone and everyone that you love in your life.

While I love love, I know that it is important to practice self-love. Most of us have heard that you cannot love someone until you love yourself. While this may be true at times, life is all about coexistence and balance. There are times that I'm not necessarily feeling great about myself, but that doesn't mean that I can't show love or feel love for my family, friends, or partner. Let's talk about a couple of ways we can practice self-love each and every day.

One way to practice self-love is through self-care. Self-care involves any intentional actions you take to nourish your physical, mental and emotional health. Some ways I practice self-care include taking a bath, writing, practicing yoga, meditating, watching a funny show, drinking coffee, going on a walk or hike, taking a nap, hanging out with my puppy, painting my nails, eating something healthy, connecting with someone I love, or taking photos. I think a great self-care practice is completing 3 self-care activities each day. Some days I am a self-care expert and other days I completely forget to take care of me.

Another way to practice self-love is by setting personal boundaries in your life. Boundaries are the limits we establish in relationships that allow us to identify what are safe, reasonable, and permissible ways for others to interact with us. Also, boundaries allow you to make a decision on how you choose to respond if someone crosses that limit. You can set emotional, physical, sexual, mental or spiritual boundaries.

For instance, one emotional boundary I have set in my relationships is name-calling. If someone I love or care about resorts to name-calling, then I get to tell them how it made me feel and then choose if I still will allow that person in my life. Setting boundaries can be challenging, but it is also very rewarding. You let people know how you deserve to be treated.

You'll feel more loving towards yourself if you set limits or say no to certain people or activities. It’s important to make sure that the people in your life are supportive. It is also vital to nurture the relationships that make you feel good about yourself. If you are feeling depleted either physically, emotionally or spiritually, identify why and and figure out what you can to do change that.

From "Fearless Feminism"

There are so many different ways to practice self-love each day, what are your favorite ways?

003. "Sweet Baby Charlotte" Baby Shower

Bring on the baby!

My sister, Jamie and her fiance, Josh are on the verge of giving birth to their first child and my third niece, Charlotte! Recently, my mom, my sister Natalie and I threw them a baby shower at my parent's house.

We wanted to do this as cost effective as humanly possible. Therefore, that meant that we had a lot of DIY projects on the horizon. The theme my sister decided on was "Sweet Baby Charlotte." Imagine candy, brownies, cookies, cake, cupcakes, and other cavity inducing sweets. 

The first thing Jamie and I did was head to the 99 cent store (and I was skeptical) to find supplies. Luckily we found a plethera of decorations, cups, plates, candy, containers, etc all for a dollar. The end result did not look like it was done on a budget (if I do say so myself).

The largest and most expensive display was creating the candy table for "Charlotte's Sweet Shop." Let me be clear, when I say expensive, it's relative to the cost of the rest of the items. In reality, I feel that this was created at a reasonable cost.
 

I really love how the table turned out! I made the banner using burlap, twine and pink acrylic paint. When I have made banners in the past, I hand stitched the burlap to the twine. Due to time constraints, I used super-glue and it worked great. My mom used yellow and white polka dot fabric to create part of the tablecloth. She gathered it at two points and stitched a bow to hold it it place. The yellow and white polka dot fabric was also used for the "back-drop" by wrapping poster board.

 

We used glass vases (that we already had) and filled them with candy corn, jelly beans, m&ms, sweet tarts, and pixie stix. The striped candy bags, scoops, the glass jars with lids and gumballs were all under $1!

So much caaaaandy.

Glass jars were each a dollar = $5 centerpieces.

We filled glass vases (that we already had) with candy corn, jelly beans, m&ms, sweet tarts, and pixie stix. The striped candy bags, scoops, the glass jars with lids and gumballs were all under $1. 

A few nights before the shower, Jamie thought of creating a photo booth. I followed this tutorial on how to make a simple and colorful backdrop. Then, we used card-stock and wooden skewers to create the props. It was many hours of work, but well worth it.
I'd say it was a success. 

Jamie and I.