009. Nature, Connection and Creativity

Sunday was such a great day. It's been a while since James and I explored nature together. When we first started dating we frequently went on mini-adventures. Then, day to day responsibilities of life got in the way of us actually getting to enjoy life. Ironic, right?

We decided to head to the Icehouse Canyon Trail in Mt. Baldy with Henry in tow...of course! When we arrived, it seemed that we were the only ones without trekking poles (I had to Google the technical term for this post) and I was a little worried. James assured me that we could do without, and up we went.

Taking a break to drink water/play with rocks.

The hike was a pretty steep incline the entire way up complete with rocks, narrow passageways, and old stone steps. As we continued our ascent, we followed along a creek. Henry kept up with us, climbing the rocks we easily stepped over. He would occasionally stop and drink from the creek or attempt to dig rocks out of the dirt (per usual).

I enjoyed being disconnected from my cell phone, computer, and just the general noise of the world. It gave me time to truly be in the moment and feel connected to myself and James. I value the non-distracted time James and I spend together. When you live with a partner, it's easy to fall into a rut of not spending quality time together. It was wonderful being together without any interruptions.

At one point, we stopped for a moment to drink some water and have a snack. We came upon a stone fireplace. We both were fascinated by this, not sure what the story was behind the stone remains. So of course, I had to research what this fireplace used to belong to. I found some interesting information about an old wood and stone resort. The resort existed in the area from 1921 to the 1980's, before burning down in a mysterious fire. I love history.

A fireplace is all that remains of Ice House Canyon Resort.  

Trees. Glorious trees.

On our drive home we started talking about what we should do that day. It was pretty apparent that both of us were feeling like we wanted to do something creative. James said he wanted to build a workbench and I felt like painting. We looked up plans and went to the local hardware store to buy the supplies for his workbench. When we got home, James immediately started working on his project. I haven't painted in a while, but there was something about connecting to myself and connecting to my partner that really inspired me to sit down at a canvas and just start painting. I set my easel in the backyard and began painting images of trees.

Sunday was a great reminder of the similar interests that James and I share. We both enjoy nature, being active, creating and exploring. Lately with bills, chores, and other obligations, we forget to sit still, live simply and do the things that light the fire inside of us. I am grateful for the time we spend together.

007. The Love Project: James and I

I have started "The Love Project" and I thought it would be fun to write the first story on James and I. I have mentioned that I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves.

January 2011...Someone was in love...

James and I have been dating for 3 years as of today. I love that our anniversary is the first day of Spring. Prior to dating, James and I knew each other for about 2 years. He was Jamie's friend. James would tell Jamie that he liked me and I would reply, "Never going to happen." I had just ended a 6 1/2 year relationship and I was struggling with who I was and what I wanted for my life. I loved hanging out with James, but I truly did not want to lose him as a friend. Also, I tend to be more on the serious side and at that time I saw him as my silly friend.

In January 2011, James and I started hanging out almost daily. I began to see past just his silliness and saw a truly deep and thoughtful person. We would go to museums, get coffee, and just pretty much any other random adventure that we could think of. I just wanted to be with him. He helped me with an art project and went with me to interview my Nana for my Senior Project while I was at Cal Poly Pomona. The three of us sat in a coffee shop and discussed our family and our lives and it was amazing.

By February, we were together every day, but I was still under the impression that we were just friends...or I wanted to believe that we were. I was so nervous to even consider entering into a romantic relationship. I did not want to lose my independence and melt into another partner. Throughout February and March we would talk about everything, specifically relationships. We would say what we wanted in relationships in a roundabout way, all the while knowing that we both were talking about if we ever started dating. We talk about that today and laugh.

 Just a few days before we started dating.

On March 20, 2011 we finally decided to explore what could be. I am so happy that we did.

James is the most supportive person I have ever dated. He inspires me to be a better version of myself. He accepts me just the way I am (quirks and all) and I accept him. We see each other as equals and we have an unbelievable amount of fun together. He is funny, intelligent, compassionate and extremely creative. We both are able to be maintain our independence and individuality within our relationship. We are 2 separate people that choose to be together. We are on the same team. James has taught me a lot about love and I am grateful. We have had our fair share of arguments and misunderstandings, but that does not change the bond that we share. We are human.

This is my favorite poem about romantic love:

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup, but not drink from one cup. 

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. 

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, 

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. 

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together: 

For the pillars of the temple stand apart, 

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

--Kahlil Gibran

If you are interested in being part of "The Love Project," let me know! 

006. The Love Project

Found on Pitzer's Campus

I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves. Once the feeling of butterflies begins to fade, there is an opportunity to either stay or go. If you choose to stay...there is something amazing that can occur...intimacy. Relationships have stages and everyone experiences those stages at different times. I find it fascinating.

I have decided to do something I am calling, "The Love Project." I plan to interview and photograph couples (specifically couples that are out of the "honeymoon" phase...and to clarify not all relationships even have a honeymoon phase) and ask them questions about their relationships.

Throughout the past 3 years I have worked with a domestic violence agency. During this time, I have heard stories of the most abusive and unhealthy relationships. I have also had the opportunity to educate others about the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships. I have always been extremely interested in the dynamics of intimate relationships. What we see in the media about intimate relationships is not reality. We see the head over heels, honeymoon, exciting part. How often do we see the reality of choosing to be in a long-term relationship? I can tell you, not very often.

Working with clients, there was usually an opportunity to discuss healthy relationships. Many of the women would look at me with confusion and ask, "what exactly is a healthy relationship?" Additionally, many others would tell me that they did not believe that healthy relationships existed at all. Overall, regardless if someone has or hasn't been in an abusive relationship, they may not understand what it takes to make a relationship work and to do so in a healthy manner. As soon as the newness wears off, on to the next relationship. Part of the problem is that our society sets up and reinforces such unrealistic and unattainable ideals about intimate relationships. I want to show real life examples.

I feel like it is time to look at the love in the world. I want to write about it. I want to photograph it. "The Love Project" is still in the planning phase. If you are interested in being part of this process (either planning and/or participating) please email me at ashleymadelines@gmail.com.