009. Nature, Connection and Creativity

Sunday was such a great day. It's been a while since James and I explored nature together. When we first started dating we frequently went on mini-adventures. Then, day to day responsibilities of life got in the way of us actually getting to enjoy life. Ironic, right?

We decided to head to the Icehouse Canyon Trail in Mt. Baldy with Henry in tow...of course! When we arrived, it seemed that we were the only ones without trekking poles (I had to Google the technical term for this post) and I was a little worried. James assured me that we could do without, and up we went.

Taking a break to drink water/play with rocks.

The hike was a pretty steep incline the entire way up complete with rocks, narrow passageways, and old stone steps. As we continued our ascent, we followed along a creek. Henry kept up with us, climbing the rocks we easily stepped over. He would occasionally stop and drink from the creek or attempt to dig rocks out of the dirt (per usual).

I enjoyed being disconnected from my cell phone, computer, and just the general noise of the world. It gave me time to truly be in the moment and feel connected to myself and James. I value the non-distracted time James and I spend together. When you live with a partner, it's easy to fall into a rut of not spending quality time together. It was wonderful being together without any interruptions.

At one point, we stopped for a moment to drink some water and have a snack. We came upon a stone fireplace. We both were fascinated by this, not sure what the story was behind the stone remains. So of course, I had to research what this fireplace used to belong to. I found some interesting information about an old wood and stone resort. The resort existed in the area from 1921 to the 1980's, before burning down in a mysterious fire. I love history.

A fireplace is all that remains of Ice House Canyon Resort.  

Trees. Glorious trees.

On our drive home we started talking about what we should do that day. It was pretty apparent that both of us were feeling like we wanted to do something creative. James said he wanted to build a workbench and I felt like painting. We looked up plans and went to the local hardware store to buy the supplies for his workbench. When we got home, James immediately started working on his project. I haven't painted in a while, but there was something about connecting to myself and connecting to my partner that really inspired me to sit down at a canvas and just start painting. I set my easel in the backyard and began painting images of trees.

Sunday was a great reminder of the similar interests that James and I share. We both enjoy nature, being active, creating and exploring. Lately with bills, chores, and other obligations, we forget to sit still, live simply and do the things that light the fire inside of us. I am grateful for the time we spend together.

006. The Love Project

Found on Pitzer's Campus

I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves. Once the feeling of butterflies begins to fade, there is an opportunity to either stay or go. If you choose to stay...there is something amazing that can occur...intimacy. Relationships have stages and everyone experiences those stages at different times. I find it fascinating.

I have decided to do something I am calling, "The Love Project." I plan to interview and photograph couples (specifically couples that are out of the "honeymoon" phase...and to clarify not all relationships even have a honeymoon phase) and ask them questions about their relationships.

Throughout the past 3 years I have worked with a domestic violence agency. During this time, I have heard stories of the most abusive and unhealthy relationships. I have also had the opportunity to educate others about the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships. I have always been extremely interested in the dynamics of intimate relationships. What we see in the media about intimate relationships is not reality. We see the head over heels, honeymoon, exciting part. How often do we see the reality of choosing to be in a long-term relationship? I can tell you, not very often.

Working with clients, there was usually an opportunity to discuss healthy relationships. Many of the women would look at me with confusion and ask, "what exactly is a healthy relationship?" Additionally, many others would tell me that they did not believe that healthy relationships existed at all. Overall, regardless if someone has or hasn't been in an abusive relationship, they may not understand what it takes to make a relationship work and to do so in a healthy manner. As soon as the newness wears off, on to the next relationship. Part of the problem is that our society sets up and reinforces such unrealistic and unattainable ideals about intimate relationships. I want to show real life examples.

I feel like it is time to look at the love in the world. I want to write about it. I want to photograph it. "The Love Project" is still in the planning phase. If you are interested in being part of this process (either planning and/or participating) please email me at ashleymadelines@gmail.com.

004. Valentines Day and Self-Love

I complete me, too. 

Today is a day of love. Regardless if you choose to celebrate or not, it's a great day to acknowledge those that you love...although I hope you are doing that the other 364 days a year, as well. You don't need to have an intimate partner to celebrate today. I cannot tell you how much it drives me crazy when people complain about being single today. Today can be about anyone and everyone that you love in your life.

While I love love, I know that it is important to practice self-love. Most of us have heard that you cannot love someone until you love yourself. While this may be true at times, life is all about coexistence and balance. There are times that I'm not necessarily feeling great about myself, but that doesn't mean that I can't show love or feel love for my family, friends, or partner. Let's talk about a couple of ways we can practice self-love each and every day.

One way to practice self-love is through self-care. Self-care involves any intentional actions you take to nourish your physical, mental and emotional health. Some ways I practice self-care include taking a bath, writing, practicing yoga, meditating, watching a funny show, drinking coffee, going on a walk or hike, taking a nap, hanging out with my puppy, painting my nails, eating something healthy, connecting with someone I love, or taking photos. I think a great self-care practice is completing 3 self-care activities each day. Some days I am a self-care expert and other days I completely forget to take care of me.

Another way to practice self-love is by setting personal boundaries in your life. Boundaries are the limits we establish in relationships that allow us to identify what are safe, reasonable, and permissible ways for others to interact with us. Also, boundaries allow you to make a decision on how you choose to respond if someone crosses that limit. You can set emotional, physical, sexual, mental or spiritual boundaries.

For instance, one emotional boundary I have set in my relationships is name-calling. If someone I love or care about resorts to name-calling, then I get to tell them how it made me feel and then choose if I still will allow that person in my life. Setting boundaries can be challenging, but it is also very rewarding. You let people know how you deserve to be treated.

You'll feel more loving towards yourself if you set limits or say no to certain people or activities. It’s important to make sure that the people in your life are supportive. It is also vital to nurture the relationships that make you feel good about yourself. If you are feeling depleted either physically, emotionally or spiritually, identify why and and figure out what you can to do change that.

From "Fearless Feminism"

There are so many different ways to practice self-love each day, what are your favorite ways?