007. The Love Project: James and I

I have started "The Love Project" and I thought it would be fun to write the first story on James and I. I have mentioned that I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves.

January 2011...Someone was in love...

James and I have been dating for 3 years as of today. I love that our anniversary is the first day of Spring. Prior to dating, James and I knew each other for about 2 years. He was Jamie's friend. James would tell Jamie that he liked me and I would reply, "Never going to happen." I had just ended a 6 1/2 year relationship and I was struggling with who I was and what I wanted for my life. I loved hanging out with James, but I truly did not want to lose him as a friend. Also, I tend to be more on the serious side and at that time I saw him as my silly friend.

In January 2011, James and I started hanging out almost daily. I began to see past just his silliness and saw a truly deep and thoughtful person. We would go to museums, get coffee, and just pretty much any other random adventure that we could think of. I just wanted to be with him. He helped me with an art project and went with me to interview my Nana for my Senior Project while I was at Cal Poly Pomona. The three of us sat in a coffee shop and discussed our family and our lives and it was amazing.

By February, we were together every day, but I was still under the impression that we were just friends...or I wanted to believe that we were. I was so nervous to even consider entering into a romantic relationship. I did not want to lose my independence and melt into another partner. Throughout February and March we would talk about everything, specifically relationships. We would say what we wanted in relationships in a roundabout way, all the while knowing that we both were talking about if we ever started dating. We talk about that today and laugh.

 Just a few days before we started dating.

On March 20, 2011 we finally decided to explore what could be. I am so happy that we did.

James is the most supportive person I have ever dated. He inspires me to be a better version of myself. He accepts me just the way I am (quirks and all) and I accept him. We see each other as equals and we have an unbelievable amount of fun together. He is funny, intelligent, compassionate and extremely creative. We both are able to be maintain our independence and individuality within our relationship. We are 2 separate people that choose to be together. We are on the same team. James has taught me a lot about love and I am grateful. We have had our fair share of arguments and misunderstandings, but that does not change the bond that we share. We are human.

This is my favorite poem about romantic love:

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup, but not drink from one cup. 

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. 

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, 

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. 

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together: 

For the pillars of the temple stand apart, 

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

--Kahlil Gibran

If you are interested in being part of "The Love Project," let me know! 

006. The Love Project

Found on Pitzer's Campus

I love love. I have learned over the years that there is an ebb and flow to all loves. Once the feeling of butterflies begins to fade, there is an opportunity to either stay or go. If you choose to stay...there is something amazing that can occur...intimacy. Relationships have stages and everyone experiences those stages at different times. I find it fascinating.

I have decided to do something I am calling, "The Love Project." I plan to interview and photograph couples (specifically couples that are out of the "honeymoon" phase...and to clarify not all relationships even have a honeymoon phase) and ask them questions about their relationships.

Throughout the past 3 years I have worked with a domestic violence agency. During this time, I have heard stories of the most abusive and unhealthy relationships. I have also had the opportunity to educate others about the difference between healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationships. I have always been extremely interested in the dynamics of intimate relationships. What we see in the media about intimate relationships is not reality. We see the head over heels, honeymoon, exciting part. How often do we see the reality of choosing to be in a long-term relationship? I can tell you, not very often.

Working with clients, there was usually an opportunity to discuss healthy relationships. Many of the women would look at me with confusion and ask, "what exactly is a healthy relationship?" Additionally, many others would tell me that they did not believe that healthy relationships existed at all. Overall, regardless if someone has or hasn't been in an abusive relationship, they may not understand what it takes to make a relationship work and to do so in a healthy manner. As soon as the newness wears off, on to the next relationship. Part of the problem is that our society sets up and reinforces such unrealistic and unattainable ideals about intimate relationships. I want to show real life examples.

I feel like it is time to look at the love in the world. I want to write about it. I want to photograph it. "The Love Project" is still in the planning phase. If you are interested in being part of this process (either planning and/or participating) please email me at ashleymadelines@gmail.com.